#1
February 4, 2018. Sunday.
This blog was created years ago, my earliest memory of it being in 2009. Most-no, all- of my old posts have been deleted due to an immature whim but I realized now, it was a step I shouldn't have taken.
Although not many, the posts on this blog had been of perceptions and thoughts of mine in regards to the world. It had been of how I portray the world and my attempts to describe it with the minimal vocabulary that I had collected back then. No matter how embarrassed I was, I should have kept them. At the very least, hid them instead of deleting them. It was a way for me to see how far I've come. How my perception has changed from the various input I've received through the years. How my language has moved up a level, how much vocabulary has been built. Those posts were precious and past the embarrassment, it held something more. It held strength. It held conviction. It held passion that has now ebbed away the further I walked into the future. Aspiration slipping through my very fingers.
I had tried to salvage it, the want, the ambition but all that was left was a small piece the size of my palm. A small piece that has also begun to melt away. I was walking on the road leading to my dreams and yet, that very dream is slipping away. Paradoxical, indeed. What do I do? How do I do it? Questions and doubt plagued me as I stepped forward. My legs shook, unwanting of another step. I held the dream tight. I refuse to let it go. Refuse to give it up.
Even now, the dream is but a fracture and yet I held it. I let it cut me, let myself bleed but I will hold it. I will protect it.
Deleting my old post was a mis-step but it is done and all that is left is to move forward. So, I will move forward with bravery. Regain the strength and conviction I once had. Learn and accept the mistakes I have and will make. This is me trying. This is me walking the road meant for me. It's embarrassing, it's ludicrous but it has to be done. Failure is the mother of success and I have to learn to accept that.
I refuse to say I have no time. I refuse to say I have no chance. I have to make time. I have to make a chance. Because the more I say no, the smaller this piece in my hand becomes. And it's that piece of me that has brought me to where I am.
This blog was created years ago, my earliest memory of it being in 2009. Most-no, all- of my old posts have been deleted due to an immature whim but I realized now, it was a step I shouldn't have taken.
Although not many, the posts on this blog had been of perceptions and thoughts of mine in regards to the world. It had been of how I portray the world and my attempts to describe it with the minimal vocabulary that I had collected back then. No matter how embarrassed I was, I should have kept them. At the very least, hid them instead of deleting them. It was a way for me to see how far I've come. How my perception has changed from the various input I've received through the years. How my language has moved up a level, how much vocabulary has been built. Those posts were precious and past the embarrassment, it held something more. It held strength. It held conviction. It held passion that has now ebbed away the further I walked into the future. Aspiration slipping through my very fingers.
I had tried to salvage it, the want, the ambition but all that was left was a small piece the size of my palm. A small piece that has also begun to melt away. I was walking on the road leading to my dreams and yet, that very dream is slipping away. Paradoxical, indeed. What do I do? How do I do it? Questions and doubt plagued me as I stepped forward. My legs shook, unwanting of another step. I held the dream tight. I refuse to let it go. Refuse to give it up.
Even now, the dream is but a fracture and yet I held it. I let it cut me, let myself bleed but I will hold it. I will protect it.
Deleting my old post was a mis-step but it is done and all that is left is to move forward. So, I will move forward with bravery. Regain the strength and conviction I once had. Learn and accept the mistakes I have and will make. This is me trying. This is me walking the road meant for me. It's embarrassing, it's ludicrous but it has to be done. Failure is the mother of success and I have to learn to accept that.
I refuse to say I have no time. I refuse to say I have no chance. I have to make time. I have to make a chance. Because the more I say no, the smaller this piece in my hand becomes. And it's that piece of me that has brought me to where I am.
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